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Marissa Lingen

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using my words [Mar. 6th, 2014|10:07 pm]
Marissa Lingen
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I have been trying to find a way to say this that will not make the wrong people–which is really pretty much anyone–feel like I am guilt-tripping them.

I am pretty short of social/chatty email these days except for a very small number of the most usual suspects. While things may have turned a corner in terms of getting adjusted to this med, I am still not to the point where things are what one might call “good” or more to the point “highly functional and able to do things like drive and arrange for social outings and stuff.” So if you are a friend of mine and find that you have the time/energy for social/chatty email, that would be a good and useful thing to do. I would appreciate it.

This is the sort of request that is very hard to phrase for two reasons. The first is that I really, really do not want to nag or guilt-trip. Really. The second is that when you ask something like this and then do not get it, that is not always easy. And I have had the “I would like to hear from you more”/”yes I could do that” conversation with a couple of friends in the past and then not heard from them more, like, at all, and that was with individuals who knew that I was talking to them specifically and personally; a more general request is deliberately not meant to be a burden on anyone (anyone! really!) and yet leaves open the possibility that everyone will be unable to do an email blathering about what they read or what they are thinking about ancient Greek wind instruments or what line of paint color names they have thought of next, and will hope that someone else will take their turn at being helpful.

Still. Things have gotten enough better that I can say that this is a thing that might help make this next bit a little less rough. So I am saying.

Originally published at Novel Gazing Redux


[User Picture]From: rosefox
2014-03-09 05:59 am (UTC)
I feel like our emails are always about our shared wobbles. That is an excellent and valuable thing but not all there is to life. Perhaps we could start swapping recipes or book recs or something.

Also, where you write

I am pretty short of social/chatty email these days

I think instead of email you mean energy? Because otherwise it sort of contradicts the rest of the post.
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2014-03-09 11:44 am (UTC)
I meant that I was not receiving it. And would like to. And while the advice one often gives small children is "you have to be a friend to have a friend," I actually have been sending it. The thing is, I have a number of social email correspondents, apart from emails that have a particular focused purpose, and they all operate with their own periodicity, and that is a fine and excellent thing. Except that within the last month when I could really use email was when many of my correspondents hit lulls on their end for whatever reason.

I now know that at least a few of them were holding off because they didn't want to "bother" me when I wasn't feeling good. For some people this might be a good way to handle asynchronous communication, but for me it's really not, because then the email is there and I can get to it when I get enough energy, and in the meantime it's nice to not have fallen off the radar of almost all persons I know simultaneously. Email is not the same as dropping by or telephoning, where energy is demanded at that exact moment.

And yes, swapping recipes or book recs or something would be most excellent.
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[User Picture]From: rosefox
2014-03-10 07:21 pm (UTC)
Ahhh! All becomes clear.

How do you feel about IM?
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2014-03-10 11:52 pm (UTC)
I am pretty terrible at IM. I have good IM protocols with alecaustin, and that's about it. Otherwise I never know when I am allowed to wander off and when the other person is allowed to wander off, so the asynchronous nature of email tends to work better for me.
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