I am the Alec, and I endorse this list. Zodiac in Neiman Marcus was, in fact, amazing, and thanks to Daniel for pointing us there.
As for the personal space incident, said editor is even deeper in my bad books than they were before. I am not entirely clear on how people can be unaware of that line, or make up their minds that it doesn't apply to them, but... it does. And all the sputtering and wittering about intent in the world doesn't matter.
2011-11-03 02:43 pm (UTC)
I can't remember ever having to dodge the thigh when trying to get someone's attention before they got away, either. The way walking works, the thigh is just not the easy obvious thing to grab.
(In fact I don't get stranger's attention by grabbing them, or most friends. Too much training by people with defensive reflexes and some with some PTSD, I think. As a general rule I would advise against grabbing strangers to get their attention.)
Stacked made a good burger, but that iPad ordering system was monstrously stupid. I expect one day a waiter is going to be stoned to death by flung iPads.
Sorry you too were manhandled; it's always shocking to me when I hear of such things, which says a lot about how out of touch I must be, since I hear about them after EVERY convention.
My verdict on Stacked's ordering system: "I would like to have words with the person who designed this interface. And the first of those words would be 'What the hell were you thinking?'"
The food was good, though.
2011-11-03 02:48 pm (UTC)
That does seem to be the question. I seem to have missed being invited to the secret male training sessions where these behaviors are taught; I was out where everybody was being taught that these are things you don't do.
I also fail to get where people find this fun. Other people's kinks are always strange, I guess; but I don't see the allure of taking a brief grip of even a specially nice thigh as being all that tremendous.
I keep looking at most of your "Don'ts" and thinking, "Wow, I don't believe somebody actually did that," except that I've been to enough conventions that I completely believe that somebody actually did that. (I'm guilty of the occasional Vague Plan myself, but I'm trying to break the habit, because it just leads to disappointment.)
Oh, man. Terry Pratchett needs to add a rule for that. (His other librarian rules are on my icon.)
Thank you for reminding me--I am so gong to WFC in 2012!
Going, rather, not "gong".
I've got to be better about the first one. My telepathy skills are . . . not. At least I do not grab thighs. (Even if I might quietly admire them.)
There's been a lot of talk at WFC this year, which is very disappointing.
I have yet to go to a convention, but I'd like to and I appreciate all of your very good advice.
For me one of the main things about conventions is this: if you pick a good convention for you, it will be full of people who are congenial and share interests with you. But that doesn't mean you can assume everyone will behave well. This sounds obvious, and yet people get disappointed.
I am failing to find words in response to your last point that are not capslock-y swearing. I am so sorry that you (or anyone else, goddamnit) had to deal with that kind of nonsense.
Do plan ahead.
I was extremely glad to run into you and Alec at Delia's party, because after your panel you got peeled off by somebody you wanted to greet, and I didn't realize until it was too late that I'd walked on without making Actual Plans for getting a meal with you at some point.
The rest of your points . . . nod, nod, nod, and OH MY GOD I HOPE NOBODY EVER TRIES THAT ON ME. I don't actually know what I would do if somebody grabbed my thigh out of nowhere, but I doubt it would be good.
The thing is, it takes a minute to process when someone grabs your thigh out of nowhere. You're not walking around thinking, "I bet someone I barely know is going to grab my thigh...now!" So my initial thought was that I had accidentally walked into someone's gesture, and by the time it registered that this was deliberate and he was hanging on
, he finished saying what he wanted to say and let go, and the entirety of my instinct was GET AWAY. (Note: this was not the entirety of alecaustin
's instinct; he asked, "Do I need to go back and kill him for you?" But the paperwork. So I said no.)
2011-11-05 01:26 pm (UTC)
I know my reaction isn't universal, but I feel like a minimum standard of personal space is that it ought to start at, y'know, the edge of the person. Brushing against shoulders in a crowd, non-optimal but sometimes inevitable? But thigh grabbing? Ick.
I'm very sorry this happened.
My daughter recently has a somewhat similar experience: she was at a party, and dressed up as a Gothic Lolita vampire. A guy approached her from the back and grabbed her. She turned her bloody, fangy face to him and hissed "Do not EVER touch anyone WITHOUT CONSENT!!!!!" Apparently he turned pale and fled the premises.
But- her costuming had much to do with that result. Still, I hope he learned a lesson.
2011-11-07 12:31 am (UTC)
Hey, in a fight (and that was an assault), use your strengths! She probably didn't consciously consider that the costume would help, but it's great that it did (if she did consider it, even better).
I think that's an excellent response. Hard to misunderstand, NOT likely to get the police against her if they get involved, makes clear to everybody in the vicinity what happened (good model for others, reminding anybody who needs it that this is not the venue to try such shit, doing reputational damage to the grabber).