Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen

Not proud or tired. Wait. Tired.

I will start out by saying I had a really good time at World Fantasy. I start here because I don't want it to be obscured: I had a really good time. I have good friends, I work with good editors, and my friends have interesting friends and acquaintances. So I had a really good time at World Fantasy.

You knew there was a "but" coming, right?

But. One of the things it did is highlight that I am doing worse than I was earlier this year. If I'm honestly with myself--and you--I will say it's kind of a lot worse. There were four nights of convention, and in three out of the four of them I had such a severe energy crash in the evening that I had to go back to my room and get under the covers and stay there. This happened by 9:00 p.m.; after that, I was completely done for the day. I had to use my cane all day on Sunday. I haven't had to use my cane all day in awhile.

I am so very exhausted. I have been doing stuff to try to get to feeling better, and so far that stuff has not resulted in me feeling better but has resulted in the use of time, money, and energy. In kind of large quantities, in fact.

One of the results of this is that I came home from a major convention and trimmed my friendslist instead of adding to it. I feel bad about this, because I don't actually feel differently about those of you I've removed. None of you screwed up. But I'm having to cut to bone here. I'm doing things like putting a ban on baking until after Thanksgiving. That should tell those of you who have been around and know me how low I am feeling on time and energy. No one has offended or upset me recently; that's not what this is about. It's about trying to carve out some space to breathe. It's about trying to be sensible and rest a bit instead of making myself ill and then having to rest.

It's not going to be enough. I know that. But I'm doing what I can here.

More about WFC when I can. I'm going to go rest and then have the workout I need to have in order to be able to get dinner in me.
Tags: cons, state of the mris, women get woolly

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