||[Jul. 10th, 2011|08:47 pm]
I have a really intense case of the donwannas.
One of the symptoms is being obscured by the craziness that is June, and that symptom is cooking. You can tell when I have the donwannas because I want to cook a million different things, but of course I also want to cook a million different things when I've been away out of town or going to a convention and not cooking much. I really do enjoy cooking. But it's also an activity of great virtue, you see. Soup for friends with a new baby: virtuous! Making a pasta salad that will feed us for days in leftovers is in a very literal sense nourishing myself and my family, and therefore: virtuous!
Insisting that, no, of course we should have the very first meal that sounds good, even if it means that I run to the store and do not get writing done in that time...perhaps not so virtuous.
I am a champion procrastinator, which means that I choose other worthy activities for procrastinating from the ones I should be doing. I'm not slacking off on revising this novel! I'm writing a short story, which is important work! (And it is. It totally is.) I'm not neglecting my work! I'm spending time with my family members! (Also genuinely important.)
I just...need to figure out a way not to feel so peevish and avoidant of the stuff I'm not doing. It's not that I need to stop writing short stories or cooking or playing the piano or spending time with my family. But I do need to stop framing it in terms of the roads not taken. I don't have to justify a short story by comparing it to the novel I'm avoiding. But I do have to eventually stop avoiding the novel.
Or at least write another one that I'm not avoiding. Or a bunch more short stories. This being, y'know. What I do.
All the other stuff is what I do, too, though.