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Marissa Lingen

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Confusing the dog [Nov. 24th, 2010|09:17 pm]
Marissa Lingen
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It's very clear that there are some things where our theories of how the world works and Ista's theories just do not match up. Dogly personality matters a great deal here. With Honey (the dog we had when I was an older kid/teenager), my mom was the alpha of the pack, and anything my mom was eating that she was willing to give to Honey was food. Mom would break off tiny pieces of cauliflower or green bean or heaven knows what, and Honey would take them and eat them dutifully. She liked chicken tacos best, but if her alpha gave it to her from her hand at the table, it was by God food.

This...is not the case with Ista. And leads to such perplexing situations as lunch today. I am not, you will understand, a vegetarian; I just prefer their tasty, tasty food, so people confuse me for one. So on the table at lunch we had: a roast beef sandwich, cashews, edamame hummus, and a salad with broccoli, tomatoes, and bell pepper in. The first two were markgritter's. The latter two were mine.

Ista: You see, of course, that I am not jumping up and begging like a bad, bad dog. No! I am merely nudging your ankle with my cold, cold nose to remind you that there is a good, good dog here who smells nice food like roast beef and cashews, and who likes those things!
Me: Wah!
Ista: Nice dog here.
Me: Wah!
Ista: Nice dog here.
Me: This is what I am eating.
Ista: But--you are the alpha. And that is not-food. And I smell food.
Me: This is what I am eating.
Ista: Why would you be eating not-food when there is food? You are the alpha. You could make the others give you the food, and they could eat the not-food if they had to. Or you could get more food and nobody would have to eat not-food.
Mark: Ista, stop bothering Mrissa and come have a little piece of roast beef.
Ista: Oh! Thank you, Mark! That was lovely! Mrissa, nice dog here.
Me: Wah!
Mark: Ista, I have the roast beef.
Ista: It is food. And she is the alpha.
Me: Hummus, dog.
Ista: So not food! I do not need to be any closer to understand that this green goop is not food! And lo, I am sore confused! Perhaps if I apply my nose to your ankle, your edamame hummus will become roast beef.
Me: Not an alchemical nose.
Ista: It might be. Poodles don't care about gold anyway. Now, if you had a rock that turned not-food into roast beef. That would be a philosopher worth knowing about.
Me: I have my suspicions about several of the 19th century German ones on that very topic.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: pnkrokhockeymom
2010-11-25 03:47 am (UTC)
I love this so much, I cannot even tell you. ESPECIALLY today. Today was a day I was needing doggies. And, you know, for very real reasons I don't have a doggy of my own.

I am THANKFUL for your doggy stories, while I wash the durned frozen turkey in water in the bucket to defrost it. I mean.
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[User Picture]From: txanne
2010-11-25 03:54 am (UTC)
Edamame hummus! What a lovely idea. Do you just make regular hummus, but with edamame instead of chickpeas?
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-11-25 03:59 am (UTC)
I get on the cellular telephone, and I say, "Mom, please pick up some edamame hummus while you're at Trader Joe's," and she says into her cellular telephone, "Righty-o," or rather some Minnesotan equivalent thereof, and lo.

Lo, I say. Lo.
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[User Picture]From: txanne
2010-11-28 04:08 am (UTC)
And I forgot to answer. Thank you! I hope someday to live in such a magical city that has a Trader Joe's!
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[User Picture]From: miz_hatbox
2010-12-16 09:38 pm (UTC)
I am so glad you mentioned the Edamame Hummus. I would never have thought to try it (being a Emerald Kitchen Hummus fan) but I decided to follow your lead (since it worked so well with gingerbread).

And lo, it was delicious.
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[User Picture]From: columbina
2010-11-28 03:59 am (UTC)
Ah, but *I* have an edamame hummus recipe, and although I cannot dredge it out of the vaults right now, I confirm that you make regular hummus but with edamame instead of chickpeas. However, he says cautioningly, I recommend that you do this only if you can find frozen, already-cooked, ready to heat-and-eat, shelled, edamame. For otherwise the effort of steaming/boiling and shelling enough edamame to make hummus would kill you. Also, for some reason, I find that edamame hummus needs extra salt.
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[User Picture]From: txanne
2010-11-28 04:05 am (UTC)
That's good to know! Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-11-28 04:21 am (UTC)
I should note that the kind I get specifically refers to itself as a low-sodium hummus and tastes lovely to me, but I like less salt in things than, like, anybody who is not timprov. Or possibly markgritter at this point, since he's been living with me and timprov for this long.
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From: diatryma
2010-11-25 04:30 am (UTC)
Jazzdog was the same way as Honey, only with my dad instead of your mom. My sister once handed the dog a tomato; he bit into it and spat it out. Dad picked it up, made chom-chom-chom sounds with it near his mouth, and gave it back to the dog... who basically didn't chew, so eager was he to eat it. Jazz would also follow Dad through the garden and harvest the beans he liked.
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[User Picture]From: eposia
2010-11-25 05:37 am (UTC)
My dog, Tirma, will give me a horribly guilty, pained look when I drop a carrot on the ground. And then she will eat it, but it's very clear that she does Not Approve.
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[User Picture]From: sageautumn
2010-11-26 05:41 am (UTC)
*giggles* My Megan is like that also.
She'll even eat black olives--if I give them directly to her from my hand, AND let her watch me eating them--but she makes these horrid/hilarious retching noises as she eats them.

(To be fair, I only did that once.. ... welllll, okay three times--the second was to show my guy, the third was to show my cousin and best friend.. cause... toooo funny.)
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[User Picture]From: hobbitblue
2010-11-25 11:29 am (UTC)
*mad giggles*
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[User Picture]From: ginny_t
2010-11-25 01:26 pm (UTC)
Alchemical dog nose! When the next two weeks try to beat me down and stand on me, I will say, "By the power of the alchemical dog nose, I defy you!" And then I will giggle. ^_^
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[User Picture]From: gaaldine
2010-11-25 05:34 pm (UTC)
Hee hee . . . I so want to be able to click "like" here.
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[User Picture]From: reveritas
2010-11-26 02:14 am (UTC)
Love this.

Charley bear is like Honey. What JD or I give her (is it possible to have two alphas?) is Food, because we're Eating It.

Why were you saying wah? Because of a cold, cold nose?
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-11-26 05:45 am (UTC)
Yes! So cold!
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[User Picture]From: pameladean
2010-11-26 05:00 am (UTC)
Jordan also has a cold, cold nose, which is locally referred to as the cat prod.

I am sorry for Ista's philosophical dilemma, and your cold ankle, but this made me laugh uproariously.

P.
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[User Picture]From: haddayr
2010-11-26 03:22 pm (UTC)
bwaaaaaaha ha ha ha
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