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S'il vous plait, dessinez-moi SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS. - Barnstorming on an Invisible Segway [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Marissa Lingen

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S'il vous plait, dessinez-moi SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS. [Aug. 7th, 2010|08:39 am]
Marissa Lingen
I get a shopping icon, and the Strib has to inspire me. Of course.

Someone supposedly wrote into the Strib this week to ask, "What on earth are carrot pants?" (I doubt this. I highly doubt that anybody is going around knowing that such a thing exists but not what. This is a ringer. But never mind, let us continue.) And in their explanation, the Strib said that the said carrot pants have tapered ankles but "use pleats to create volume through the hips."


Let's have a show of hands among female-identified persons over the age of, say, 14: who among us feels the need to use pleats to create volume through the hips? My ass is a size 4. 4. As in 4-pity's-sake even the insane American fashion industry cannot convince me that this is an overly large size. You know. That 4. And yet. Do I need pleats to create volume through the hips? I'm thinking no. I'm thinking not so much. How to tell my hips from pageant hair: they do not need volumizer. The end.

These are the pants for people who really, truly woke up one morning and said, "my top half is all right, but my lower half looks insufficiently like a root vegetable." But carrot, carrot seems like a misnomer to me, given how tall most of us aren't. I'm thinking turnip. I'm thinking rutabaga. And at that point, I beg--nay, I demand--that the fashion industry gives me what I truly need in trousers. Which is to say, the celeriac pants. The only pants in the world that look exactly like the baobab planet from Le Petit Prince. Hard to wash. Hard to iron. Hard to walk in. Yet awesome. With all the tendrils and the reconnection of the fabric to itself and possibly root charms hanging off. Come on! Celeriac pants! The natural next step in fashion evolution!

Seriously, people talk about looking at their old photos and thinking, "Did we ever think that looked good?" And I have this gift: I do that in real-time. Most of the stuff people wear most of the time looks fine to me at the time, and it looks fine to me in old photos. Yes, women's T-shirts were cut shorter in '01 than they are this year. They looked fine then, they look fine now, as long as you're not taking them to ridiculous extremes. When you are taking them to ridiculous extremes, they looked bad then, they look bad now. Or they look ridiculous but somehow work on you. Those are the options. When people from my high school post old photos on Facebook and write, "OMG can you believe we thought that looked good?", I either think, "Calm down, dude; deep breaths," or I think, "Who 'we,' kemosabe? Because, y'know. If you'd asked."

Carrot pants are not on the list of things you are destined to love later. Hold out for the celeriac pants. Or possibly the box to hold the sheep.

[User Picture]From: brooksmoses
2010-08-07 05:24 pm (UTC)
I can sort of understand a desire to have pleats at the top of some pants to create volume. I have pants of that nature, with a couple of pleats at the top, where by "create volume" one means "allow the top of the pants to expand to a point whereby they have sufficient volume to accomodate the volume of me that is occupying them."

However, I somewhat doubt that that's really the sort of "create volume" that they meant, and there is a difference between a couple of discreet discrete pleats to relieve an area of otherwise-pulled-tight plain fabric, and, y'know, pleats. (On the other hand, looking at photos, it seems at least plausible to me that that may be what they started out meaning, at least.)

While looking for photos to see what this meant, I came across this photo of actual carrot pants (well, at least, actual carrots). And also this pair of pants, which are carrot pants but even worse.

(Also, about women's T-shirts being cut short: Is this just T-shirts, or all shirts? I know someone who sometimes has annoyance of her shirts being a bit short, and I wonder if this implies that getting new ones might help with that. But mostly the problems are not T-shirts.)

Edited at 2010-08-07 05:24 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: ellarien
2010-08-07 07:17 pm (UTC)
I think it's all shirts, more or less -- and sweaters, too. I certainly found it a lot easier to find ones that would stay tucked in, the last couple of seasons. Skirt and pant waistbands are migrating upwards again as well, which helps with the problem of making the ends meet.

(I'm not talking about high fashion here, but about what's available in middle-of-the-road department stores.)
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[User Picture]From: aedifica
2010-08-07 11:13 pm (UTC)
Whereas I went to buy more of my favorite shirts this summer and discovered that the shirts with the very same name are now too long--I liked them top-of-the-hip-length, now they're middle-of-the-butt-length or longer on me. :-(
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From: zeborahnz
2010-08-08 12:22 am (UTC)
Ah! I'm oblivious of fashion, but this explains why the shirts I have from a few years ago worked really well to be worn out, and yet the latest shirt I bought hangs low unless I tuck it in, at which point it still doesn't look right.

Are we meant to be wearing shirts out or tucked in at the moment?

(You know what would be handy? Right after the weather forecast they could explain what's going on in fashion at the moment.)
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-08-07 09:53 pm (UTC)
Yes, most women's shirt lengths are longer the last few years than they were the few years before that. Not all. But most. They are trending towards tunic length rather than towards crop-top length. This may swing back, so your annoyed person may want to shop quickly.
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[User Picture]From: moiread
2010-08-07 11:45 pm (UTC)
I have been terribly grateful for this trend. Because of my bust, shirts that are supposed to hit at the hip will wind up becoming a navel-baring sort instead. I'm sure you know what I mean. At least now chances are good I'll have a shirt that's long enough in front!

Edited at 2010-08-07 11:46 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-08-08 04:19 am (UTC)
I do know what you mean. For several years there it was a good thing I did not have a shy navel, because it would be making an appearance if I wore what was available in shops.
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From: writingortyping
2010-08-08 12:02 am (UTC)
The photo you linked to basically looks to me like WW2-era jodhpurs. Which, if you're riding a horse prior to the advent of spandex, yes. Otherwise, no.
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