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In which we are concerned with cephalopod logistics though it is no longer hockey season. - Barnstorming on an Invisible Segway [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Marissa Lingen

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In which we are concerned with cephalopod logistics though it is no longer hockey season. [Jul. 19th, 2010|01:38 pm]
Marissa Lingen
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mrissa: And then markgritter was listing the places Vernor Vinge could have gone to see a live lobster. He went on at quite some length. Like, Byerly's, Red Lobster, the aquarium. Boston Gardens.
timprov: Um.
M: Okay, he didn't quite get so far as Boston Gardens.
T: Good. It's not like octopuses and Detroit.
M: I am concerned--I am suddenly quite concerned about the octopuses and Detroit.*
T: Like how at any moment--
M: Yes.
T: At any moment some guy there in Detroit has an octopus in his pants and you don't know it.
M: Yes. This concerns me greatly. Please tell me that Ziploc is involved.
T: I'm thinking no.
M: Or that nice friendly people such as the Detroit equivalent of United Noodle have sold the Red Wings fans some lovely dried octopus for their flinging needs?
T: Clearly not.
M: Oh, oh, oh, I am concerned. So in a regular plastic bag like a Target bag, just a whole dead octopus.
T: Possibly. If it was me I would use a thermos.
M: This is heartening.
T: But thermoses are not allowed in the arenas.
M: Not heartening!
T: But it's not like things that are not allowed in arenas never get in arenas.
M: And something like a smuggle-in beer belly contraption would be difficult to get the octopus out of--and although I hear octopuses are good at wriggling in and out of confined spaces, I expect that's mostly the live ones.
T: Never underestimate the power of the undead octopus.
M: No, I am concerned.
T: I think they have official Red Wings jackets with special pockets for the octopuses.
M, heartened: Do you? Like duck hunting jackets? Oh, I am relieved.
[pause]
M: Wait! I am not relieved! Oh why was I relieved?
T, laughing: If they don't, it's a marketing opportunity waiting to happen.
M: Now I really have to ask the internet how this works. And fear that it will answer me.

*Detroit Red Wings fans have been known to fling dead octopuses upon the ice. No, I cannot explain this to you. I am not a Detroit Red Wings fan.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: zunger
2010-07-19 06:45 pm (UTC)
I would suggest that this is still infinitely less disturbing than the possibility of someone in Detroit having a live octopus in their pants, ziploc or no ziploc. Yet this is the mental picture I am now stuck with. Curse you, mrissa!
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[User Picture]From: pnkrokhockeymom
2010-07-19 06:45 pm (UTC)
Um, the dead octopuses spontaneously generate in JLA due to all of the combined superfandom of the superfans in Hockey Town.

There you go. You just think really hard about it, and at the right moment, you'll have a dead octopus in your hands.
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-07-19 06:46 pm (UTC)
Yes, and the red light we saw in the sky on the way home from my great-aunt's house on Christmas Eve when I was 5 was Rudolph's nose.

*patpat*
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[User Picture]From: apis_mellifera
2010-07-19 06:48 pm (UTC)
It's because you used to have to win 8 times to with the Cup.

I believe there are guides online as to exactly how to sneak the octopus into the Joe (I know I read a guide in the Freep years ago). I believe it involves plastic wrap and duct tape and an abdomen. Hopefully not a really hairy one.

Oh, I love my team.
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-07-19 06:51 pm (UTC)
...

.....

If anybody I didn't know ever, ever, ever made me witness his buddy ripping duct tape off his abdomen in order to get a plastic wrapped dead octopus off of there in order that he could fling it past me at the ice, there would be no roundness of o Minnesotan enough to cover the amount of sorry he would feel the need to say to me.

But I'm glad you love your team.
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[User Picture]From: jhetley
2010-07-19 06:53 pm (UTC)
If you are worried about the potential of an undead octopus, avoid Tom Holt's BLONDE BOMBSHELL . . .
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[User Picture]From: akirlu
2010-07-19 07:03 pm (UTC)
Until today I was entirely ignorant of this Detroit perversion. Gosh, to think I have lived four decades in ignorance. Gosh, to think that I could have lived four more, likewise. Mourn my loss.

It may, or may not, strike some as an interesting coincidence that I was just today admiring a cow-orker-s efforts in making a tentacular scarf.

But really, if Detroit fans had to throw something with eight legs, couldn't it just be four chickens, instead?
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-07-19 09:45 pm (UTC)
I am now contemplating under what circumstances I would say, "A dead octopus in your pants? Couldn't you just have four dead chickens tied together in your pants instead?"
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[User Picture]From: mightyjesse
2010-07-19 08:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, dear heaven, the continued giggling, it hurts us, precious. Laughter is good for the soul, but somewhat painful to broken ribses.
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-07-19 09:44 pm (UTC)
...

I haven't been keeping up on FB, if in fact it is on FB. You broke your ribs? Don't do that, it hurts. (I know, thank God I was here.)
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[User Picture]From: fidelioscabinet
2010-07-19 09:26 pm (UTC)
Down here, it's catfish. Not that it's often called for. I suppose you could slide one up your sleeve, for true convenience in extraction. They may fling a bit better than the cephalopods.
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[User Picture]From: akirlu
2010-07-19 10:21 pm (UTC)
Thus leading to the common refrain: Is that a catfish up your sleeve, or are you just happy to see me?
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From: sethb
2010-07-19 09:34 pm (UTC)
Fortunately, your birthday is coming up.
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-07-19 09:47 pm (UTC)
...?
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[User Picture]From: mamculuna
2010-07-19 09:49 pm (UTC)
Octopuses can come in really small sizes (at least the dead ones at Whole Foods)--I can see putting several in your pocket, though if no bag was involved, you might not want to wear those pants again.
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[User Picture]From: mamculuna
2010-07-19 09:50 pm (UTC)
And I'm glad for the explanation--I thought octopuses were a soccer phenomenon...but that one was live (and large).
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[User Picture]From: batwrangler
2010-07-19 11:41 pm (UTC)
I'd be even more concerned if live ones were involved.
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[User Picture]From: columbina
2010-07-20 01:01 am (UTC)
It apparently falls to me to note that "Boston Garden" - when we are discussing the place where people gather to see various arena-type events - is always singular. Actually these days it is Some Bank Whose Name We Can't Remember Garden, but everyone still calls it Boston Garden (actually, Bastan Gahden, but let's not be picky). But it is never plural, no no no no.

I had not previously considered the question of how the Red Wings fans get the dead cephalopods (notice how cleverly I avoided the long-burning flamewar about the proper plural of "octopus," there?) into the arena. I do not know that I should be thankful to Timprov for opening this avenue of thought in my mind.
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[User Picture]From: zelda888
2010-07-20 08:12 am (UTC)
I am oddly heartened to know that you are not bothering with Some Bank.
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[User Picture]From: mkille
2010-07-20 02:24 am (UTC)
An octopus could probably be concealed in top hats, rasta caps, especially large berets...
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[User Picture]From: dancing_crow
2010-07-20 12:13 pm (UTC)
There's a flickr group for that...

http://www.flickr.com/groups/octopushead/pool/
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[User Picture]From: callunav
2010-07-20 02:56 am (UTC)
I'm deeply disturbed on behalf of the octopus/octopi/octopodes, because they are by and large bright and sweet-natured things that twitch the very tips of their tentacles when they dream like puppies dreaming of running.

On the other hand, I really, really love this transcribed conversation.
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[User Picture]From: nolly
2010-07-21 08:45 pm (UTC)
Why did / does Vernor need to see a live lobster? I can't remember if the Scripps-Birch Aquarium has them, but there and Sea World would be good local-to-him starting points.
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[User Picture]From: mrissa
2010-07-21 10:09 pm (UTC)
There was a bit of unfortunate description.
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