Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen
mrissa

State of the Mris Report

I have alluded previously to the fact that we are trying a different treatment for This Stupid Vertigo Nonsense.

I guess what I want to say here is that it is being kind of hard right now, and if I don't get back to you in a timely fashion about something or if I don't pick up on cues you would usually expect me to, please note that my processor power is going to fighting nausea and discomfort a lot at the moment, and pain somewhat. I had gotten to the point in dealing with the vertigo where I was fairly familiar with what it was throwing at me. It was by no means easy or convenient, but it was familiar. This is some new stuff and not as familiar. (The nausea is not new. But the levels of it are new.) It's physically and emotionally wearing. I'm finding it harder to keep up with stuff. I'm finding it harder to let myself make minor mistakes. I'm appreciating gentleness from people when you-all can spare it.

If you're wondering whether I've described the new treatment in detail and you've missed it, the answer is that I haven't. There is only so much in the way of Helpful Suggestion I can deal with at the moment, and one of the ways I'm limiting that is by limiting the amount of detail I'm putting out there. Also, and quite frankly, I am really bored of talking about it. You can only repeat, "This is what we're trying and how it's working and NO that isn't a good option for me and YES we've thought of that and YES we tried that already and NO it didn't work and YES that other thing is still on the list but it's further down the list than what we're doing now for the following reasons so maybe in July if this isn't working by then and thank you but that doesn't apply to me at all and NO that's something else entirely" so many times while trying to get your head and your hands to stop hurting before you break down and Do Something Drastic.

There are things I can do now that I couldn't do two months ago, and on the other hand there are things that are much harder than they were two months ago. So. We are, to take a page from Real Genius, cha-cha'ing.

On Sunday, porphyrin said, "Bad day?", and I took breath to start minimizing, and then I stopped and took another breath and said, "Yes." Because I realized that she wasn't asking, "Can you find absolutely nothing redeeming about this day? Are you slagging on all the nice things that have happened today? Do you have no appreciation whatsoever for the pleasant breakfast conversation you and timprov had in the early morning, the quiet midmorning you had, and the lovely date you and markgritter had at the Count Basie Orchestra concert in the afternoon? Are you, in fact, completely insensible to the pleasures of your substantially pleasant life?" No. She was asking, "Friend whom I love, is today physically difficult?" And it was. It really was. And it was okay for me to say so.
Tags: state of the mris, stupid vertigo
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