But that's not what I want to talk about today. Maybe later.
No, it's this: I have some new favorite fake swears.
I love fake swears. It's not that I give up real swears for them. And I don't mean euphemisms. When somebody says, "Oh, fu-uummmmm, fudge. Fudge, yes. That is what I meant to say. Fudge. Also shoot," no one is fooled, except possibly the small child who is meant to avoid learning the word in question until it has enough discretion to choose when to use it and when not. No, I mean fake swears like "Oh for the love of Pete!", where it was not intended to come out as something else but there isn't anything particular about the love of Pete that might fit a frustrating situation. I love those. When I'm frustrated or disgusted and say, "Oh, for the love of Pete!", I often giggle and feel better.
My two new favorites that I wanted to tell you about are chicken dishes and flax waffle. the_overqual designed a museum display with some chicken dishes, and he posted to FB about it, and it sounded so frustrated even though he didn't sound frustrated. Chicken dishes. Oh, chicken dishes! I have burnt my tongue on overly-hot cocoa! Chicken dishes! I didn't order tickets in time to see that concert, and it's all sold out! Chicken dishes!
Flax waffle is new today, because I was thinking about what I would have for dinner if timprov is not up and at-'em enough to have a real dinner with me, and we have flax waffles in the freezer, and they're not too bad, could be worse. No good with grape jelly, but never mind, one can't have everything, at least not in a waffle. And then I thought, wow, that's a great sound for an insult. Dude, don't be such a flax waffle. I was going to ask him, but he was being such a flax waffle that I didn't want to bring it up. Look, I'm sorry if I was kind of a flax waffle about this; I'll really try to keep it together more in the future.
I don't know, I just like them.
Edited to add: And then I forgot to mention one of my favorite old ones, which is from Maud Hart Lovelace's Betsy-Tacy books. This came up when someone was unjust to a dear friend: that person can Go Way Back and Sit Down. I like this because it isn't ill-wishing, and it's too specific to be a euphemism for "go to hell." It's not like going to Hartford, Hereford, or Hampshire. It's its own thing: go way back and sit down. Do not forget to sit down when you get there. Yes.