How would my muttered "mrfl, mrfl, mrfl" count?
I would call that a broad-spectrum euphemism.
Euphemisms are sometimes useful and sometimes fun. We had a lovely party once where we were trying to talk about The Wire without getting the 5-year-old in trouble at kindergarten that week, and we were using color words for "colorful" language: those of us who had seen The Wire were explaining a scene where the cops only said "fuchsia" and "mauve-and-fuchsia" while investigating a murder scene. It was perfect: the people who already knew those words had no trouble decoding, and the little dude did not go to school sounding like Bunk Moreland.
I like those.
My all-purpose, non-euphemistic, G-rated one is from A.A. Milne: "Bother!"
That's my favorite too.
The best fake swear I have ever heard is "horsefeathers." It rocks my universe.
I LOVE 'flax waffle'. Although I'd be more likely to employ it more like 'chicken dishes'. Oh, flax waffles!
I remember "gods in pink feathers!" from lilairen
. I don't recall where she got it from, but I think it was rooted in a theological debate in a fictional culture.
"Chicken dishes" made me think of something that doesn't count as a fake swear, as it has actual swearing in it, but is fun to say anyway: "fishy bitches." Which was the term used in a recent Podcastle ep ("The Mermaids' Tea Pary") for describing the eponymous, and not very nice, mermaids.
And it's just fun to say.
I do like "flax waffle," too. Especially since it seems perfectly suited for "Look, I'm sorry if I was kind of a flax waffle about this;" it seems to imply good intentions but less-than-solid results.
Of my own fake swears, "Ye gods and little fishes" (or "fishies") is one I enjoy using. Or "for the love of little green apples." No, I have no idea what the apples have to do with anything.
Oh, and "son of a hairless kumquat." Got that one from some high-school friends.
I like "Drat!" because it's not obviously euphemistic.
I say "Goodness Gravy," "Jiminy Cricket!" and "You're such a food eater." I don't know if those qualify. Montreal gets very pleased with "Goodness Gravy."
Lately, due to having seen the commercial for "My Baby Can Read" too frequently, I have also been saying "Oh no said Scwooge, oh no kind spiwit," whenever anything slightly-bad-but-not-too-bad comes up.
Oh, and I also say "Holy Moly Macaroni Grill."
No, I don't know. I am a woman of many ridiculous sayings.
I wish my brain had grabbed 'stone of a peach' from a Patricia Briggs book. Euphemism, but a satisfying one-- all hissy and spitty and potentially cathartic.
Cheeses crusty, got all musty, got damp on the stone of a peach. Which proper emphasis of course.
I assimilated that one.
That pretty well describes the last couple of days at work for me--Chicken dishes! What a grind! My co-worker's been out half Friday and yesterday, and all of today, so I had it all to do myself. He's not beeing a flax waffle, though--his mother's in the hospital.
Well, I'm glad he's not being a flax waffle, at least.
I did myself decide a while back that custard was like dullard, an Elizabethan rudery - "oh, you insufferable custard!" - and now I'm wondering why so many of mine and yours and the above are food-related?
(Also, I have googled, and am wroth: "In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire" produces twice as many hits as the actual quotation, which is of course "In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire".)
I am sorry to have helped along the path to making you wroth. We have Hartford here in the US, and I believe that's what Audrey Hepburn sang, although as always I could be wrong.
"monkey!" became a catch-all word a few years back. It was a stand in for anything I didn't want to say real loud at work (like when I dropped a 25# bag of carrots on my toe) and also our code for cigarette, for reasons that are lost to the mists.
Monkey! isn't fake swearing though, it's a euphemism. For fake swearing I've mostly got "for the love of [Pete, little green apples, monkeys]"
Ah. For us the monkeys are the non-canine mammals running about the house. It only gets sweary when the dog is looking sternly at us.
I have often said that People What Are Mean To Me can go do something impolite to themselves. But I like "go way back and sit down" better.
I am fond of "fuck-knuckles" as a real swear, typically when I have accidentally injured myself, so around the kids I change it to "duck-knuckles". This always makes them look at me with the o_O face. (I know it's a substitution swear, but gosh is it fun to say on its own, too.)
Edited at 2010-03-25 12:22 am (UTC)
It is a substitution swear, yes, but you have to go into it knowing that's what you're going to do. Otherwise you get halfway through and it's too late. And it does definitely sound fun on its own, and frankly I think that the original is whimsical enough to start out with that nobody will think duck knuckles makes less sense.