Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen

deep breaths for everybody

I am trying not to over-interpret/over-ascribe. But.

Yesterday I simply did not have the time or the physical energy to have a workout. It was a day with a steady bit in it, and I became hungry like a normal person when dinnertime rolled around, without spending an hour and a half on the bike to cut through the nausea. (Because no vertigo for six hours meant no nausea.) And the peasants rejoiced etc.

Today has been so much easier in so many ways. I slept better. I had an hour and a half workout, and that was much easier. This is not surprising. Bodies need rest from time to time. This is known. I haven't been working out for 1.5-2 hours daily because I think it's the best thing for a person, I've been doing it because it's how I can eat, and I am firmly of the opinion that people need to eat. (Even if they don't need to eat where we had dinner. But that's the previous entry.)

I also have two new stories coming along, and I am switching from frame to frame trying to keep up with idea notes on both of them. (Edited to add: Um. Three.) I have been a bit short on new stories for awhile now. I know the shape of both of these. I don't want to say that it has to be connected. But...minds are not separable from bodies, either. Both need rest. Being really physically exhausted and feeling like I'm fighting for just the normal things in life may not, it turns out, be the most conducive thing ever to creative work.

I'm not committing that I will always use my steady days to skip workouts; clearly that's the wrong solution for the long-term outcome for which we devoutly hope, that is, that all my days will become steady days. But it seemed worth reminding myself, and possibly some of you could use the reminder as well: taking a rest does not make you lazy or bad. It does not mean you lack dedication or commitment or passion or artistic/intellectual rigor. It means you are a human, and humans need rest as well as work, down as well as up, dark as well as light. And there is nothing wrong with that, and something valuable in remembering it.

(The only thing is, I wrote seagrit "The Witch's Second Daughter," and I hope it's not too confusing that I'm now writing "The Witch's Second." I don't intend to also write "The Witch's" and "The." I'd say you never know, but that's wrong, sometimes you know. At least I do.)
Tags: full of theories, stupid vertigo
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