Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen
mrissa

More of the same

I don't want to turn this into the All Vertigo PT, All The Time lj -- in part because I don't want to let this be the All Vertigo PT, All The Time life. And yet right now, it consumes a lot of time and energy and attention, and it's affecting the other things on which I like to spend time and attention. Since I started the PT, I've found that I can only read for a set period of time, or only do things on the computer screen for a set period of time, before I start to get dizzy. So to sum up, it affects my cooking, eating, sleeping, reading, working, driving, going places, and doing things. I know that ideally I would treat something that has to be done three times daily for the next month or two as though it was combing my hair. I don't wake up and think, "Oh, how I wish I could take a break from combing my hair!" It's just one of the things that I always do, more than once a day. This should be like that. It's just that it'd be a lot harder if combing my hair made me feel like the world was tilting and spinning around me. I mean more than usual.

Anyway. We persevere, and in the meantime I'm working on picking reading/viewing/listening material etc. to be...not relentlessly positive, definitely not that, but not particularly dark. I switched from watching old episodes of Murder One to watching old episodes of Bab5. I am susceptible to mope right now, so I'm working to counter that susceptibility as much as I can.

In some ways I'm frustrated by how slowly I'm working on fiction in all this, but in other ways I'm giving myself a chance to chew over stuff that needs chewing over, so that's definitely a good thing.

I'm also working on saying yes when people ask if they can do something specific and concrete to help. This is, we have ever hope, a short-term situation; accepting help to get us through it is a good idea. My reflex when someone offers is to say, "Oh, you don't have to do that." And indeed they don't, and neither did I when I was the one offering to them. So it's better if I say, "Well, you don't have to do that...but it does sound very nice of you, and we'd certainly appreciate it." I have all the instincts for no. Sometimes the right answer is still yes.
Tags: small screen, stupid vertigo
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