Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen

Crazy Russian Chocolate Report

I stopped by Minsk Market again while I was running errands today. Half of their Russian chocolates have translations on them and the other half don't -- well, probably not half. Maybe a quarter have translations. I picked up "orange souffle" -- that was good last time -- and left "apple souffle" behind. They were lacking the convenient blue barrels of chocolate with pictures of blueberries on the outside, so I couldn't buy those (or I would have bought a metric ton of those to share around, because they're so very good -- why are American candy-makers so useless at fruit chocolates?).

So I just bought one of each of a bunch of things, more or less at random. (These are bite-sized candies.) The one I already tried claimed to be "toffee-flavored cream," which was totally true if by "toffee-flavored cream" you mean "rum-flavored caramel." Still in the bag to try: there is one that looks sort of like a tiny fireworks cone in that kind of paper, blue and green and red! There is one with ballet dancers on it! There is a little cylinder with a knight's helm on it! There is a mermaid chocolate (I hope it's not mermaid-flavored, unless they taste like sea-salt caramels, which rock)! There is one with a polar bear on it -- "How could a polar bear be bad?" I asked timprov rhetorically, and then belatedly remembered who I was talking to and said, "Umm. Unless it's polar bear liver."* But that was one with the ingredients in printed English, so we could verify that it was free of polar bear liver. Unless they're making their waffles out of polar bear liver. We kind of hope not.

Oh, and there's one I can hardly wait to try. I know it will be good. It says, "PLUM IN CHOCOLATE," and it's the right size to be one of those little sour plums that really go in plum dumplings instead of the stuff we have here. PLUM IN CHOCOLATE. How can this be bad?

I'm telling you, folks, it really is the little things. Worries about friends and family members and career stuff and existential questions and all that? Never mind that now! I have chocolate with a mermaid printed on the wrapper, and I have absolutely no clue how it will taste! This is so cool.

*timprov's main diagnosis is a cerebrospinal fluid condition whose causes are entirely unknown except for the consumption of polar bear liver. If you didn't get it from that, they have no idea how you got it. The up side is that maybe now he can be an angakok (Greenlandic shaman) without the ritual initiation step where you actually have to eat the polar bear liver. So far his angakok powers have yet to manifest themselves, but we're not proud, or tired.
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