Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen
mrissa

Holding Out for a Better Movie

I hate it when childhood fondness gets besmirched by actual fact.

Tonight I flipped the TV on to see if anything was on for the five minutes I was consuming ice cream (because it is hard to read a trade paperback and eat a bowl of ice cream at the same time, if one insists on sitting on the couch), and "Footloose" was playing on VH1. The soundtrack to "Footloose" was one of the tapes my cousins and I wore clean through when we were small, but I had not previously seen any part of this movie. So I thought, well, maybe they'll play one of the songs I remember fondly.*

They did. Specifically, they played Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero," which was my favorite song from the whole soundtrack, because she just sounded like she was going to go out ass-kicking and wanted to make sure her boyfriend was going to be useful in the pursuit of thoroughly kicked ass, and I loved it when I was 6 years old, and the part of the movie they were showing was the part that had it playing in the background.

While Kevin Bacon played tractor chicken with some other guy. Tractor. Chicken. Like, driving your tractor straight at the other dude in his tractor and trying not to be the one to pull aside first or, y'know, die in a tragic tractor chicken accident.

She was holding out for a hero in the challenging field of championship tractor chicken.

Aaaaauughhhhhhh.

I can never see the rest of this movie. I have already seen too much. My brain, my brain! My mom was on long-distance (I can tell because the answering machine picks up if she's not just ignoring her call-waiting), so I have not gotten to berate her about this yet. But it's only a matter of time.

Now I have to go write the scene where Ansa Nikkanen has to escape from the skalds naked and stripped of charms** in the middle of the winter in the Saamemaa, known to folks who are still willing to use the term "Lapp" as Lappland. Just to make it right with my childhood self and her notions of the proprieties of ass-kicking.

I was thinking of something else, but then I saw this and it went flying right out of my head. That'll teach me to watch broadcast TV for anything but baseball and hockey. DVD is our friend. DVD would have indicated the tractor chicken nature of this problem long before it got to this point.

Tractor. Chicken. And not one but several people endorsed this idea, and it appeared on big screens across the country. Aieeeee. Tractor chicken.

So sad.

*Originally typed "one of the snogs I remember." Uh, no.
**In the "charms, spells, and hexes" sense, not the "her baggy sweatshirt did nothing to conceal her considerable charms" sense.
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