Marissa Lingen (mrissa) wrote,
Marissa Lingen
mrissa

Privileges revoked

Dear college-age stoners outside Byerly's,

Though I do not smoke marijuana myself, I think it should be legal for you to do so. All sorts of things I would classify as "smelly boring stuff that may have health benefits for some segments of the population if used carefully" are perfectly legal -- driveway basketball games, for example, and cooked beets in any form.

HOWEVER. If you are stupid enough to light up a joint on the sidewalk in front of Byerly's, you are too stupid to smoke pot, and your pot-smoking privileges ought to be revoked. You deserved to have the Blonde Lady Who Takes No Guff From The Likes Of You catch you. What were you thinking? I mean, honestly.

Rolling my eyes,
mrissa

Dear bicyclists on Hiawatha Ave. last night,

I applaud your environmental spirit, or your commitment to fitness, or your cheapskate nature. Any of the above -- it's all good with me. I can even see why you might feel uncomfortable behaving as a part of vehicular traffic on a busy street. However, if you are uncomfortable in that fashion, please recall that your options are 1) acting as a car, or 2) acting as a pedestrian, not 3) switching back and forth between the two on a whim or 4) doing things that are against traffic laws for both categories. Especially if it is dusk and you have chosen clothing that blends neatly with the asphalt and grassy hillocks around you. I would just wish that you got whatever came to you, but drivers do not deserve to have to go around feeling guilty for maiming your idiot behind. Bicycling privileges hereby revoked for exhibiting this behavior.

Hitting the brakes,
mrissa

Dear dog,

If you run full-tilt at my rear end while I'm taking out my contacts again, your bathroom-sharing privileges will be revoked. I'm not kidding. That was only funny afterwards.

Reluctant scritches,
mrissa
Tags: poodular supervision, true north strong and slightly less free
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