So I went in today for the most painful massage I have ever had. I do not confuse painful with harmful: I think this was a good thing and good for me. But it was drastically overdue, and...yah. Could be better, is what I'm saying. I muddled my way through dinner and then took some Advil, and I've been drinking water like I'm taking a trip across the Sahara next week and have to make sure my hump is full. And I feel like my brain needs rinsing in a rather more literal sense than usual. I just feel muzzy and hurty and weird. I can roll my neck without anything going crackedapop, so that's a good thing. Just...tension headache.
And also I'm drinking so much water and slathering on so much lotion because our humidifier doesn't work just now, and the furnace/humidifier people aren't coming out until Tuesday. And I totally support the idea that they should leave time for people who don't have heat right now. I just wish my eyes didn't feel like someone had been pointing a blow-dryer at them for an hour.
One of the quirks of my physiology is that I have very clearly defined "buttons" on my back. The "separation of body and brain/mind" thing is not one of my characteristic mistakes, because there is a spot one can press on my neck to make me feel like a decent human being with warm, positive qualities. (Most of you mayn't press that spot, but one can.) On the other hand, having a painful knot there is a very quick way to get me to feel as though I am a worthless excuse for a primate and should not be humored even a little bit. I also have a knot "button" for "do not eat food ever again because it is a horrible idea" and other fun stuff.
The hardest part of this stage after a massage -- the more intense, the harder -- is not clenching my jaw, scrinching my shoulders, and using other stressy, bad ways of dealing with/ignoring pain and thereby undoing the work of the massage.
Moral of the story is: do not put off self-maintenance, even in the form of things that look like relaxing. It will just be worse when you do get to it. I'm going to schedule a massage for next week just to follow up on beating this nonsense into submission, and then I'll schedule another one for the week before Christmas.
One of you-all on the friendslist was saying that she didn't have a big goal for December, just to get herself some rest. And I thought (and said) that that sounded like a big goal to me. Not that I'm giving up on it, mind. Still, a couple of short stories sounds easier from this perspective.