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Marissa Lingen

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Relentless Positivity For All [Feb. 12th, 2013|11:01 am]
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I just read the comments section of a blog post in which a couple of people were so relentlessly negative about themselves that it made me want to curl into a ball and whimper on their behalf. So! I have declared it Relentless Positivity Day in Mrissaland. Three questions:

1. Tell me one thing you like about yourself, as a trait.

2. Tell me one thing you've done recently that you're proud of or glad you did.

3. Tell me one thing you appreciate that someone close to you did recently.

These things don't have to be big, and if you've already answered on another form of social media, don't feel obliged. In fact, don't feel obliged at all. I just would like a little bit of mental shift in the direction of good stuff.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: athenais
2013-02-12 05:17 pm (UTC)

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1. I think my basic optimism stands me in good stead. My default setting is "expecting good things."

2. I'm glad I started Swedish classes again instead of giving up forever. I'm enjoying it so much. Fighting the good fight against unrealistic standards for myself.

3. I am so appreciative of the person who found my lost keys on the ground and put them in a place where I might see them. Thank you, helpful stranger!
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 02:55 am (UTC)

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Re 1: I think this was one of the really good things that my parents and my grandparents and my first gifted ed teacher combined to instill in me: the sense that something wonderful could happen at any time. This is not the same thing as optimism entirely. But it's awfully nice. And then I got myself into a profession where it's literally true.
[User Picture]From: sartorias
2013-02-12 05:19 pm (UTC)

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This past week I visited a couple of people I've known for decades, one much longer than the other. I've known both through some pretty rough stuff, so seeing them happy together gives me such intense pleasure. That and the little things they did to make me feel welcome.
[User Picture]From: stillsostrange
2013-02-12 05:20 pm (UTC)

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1. I've become pretty strong recently, physically. This is rather awesome.

2. I went out dancing even though the venue was far away and there was a dubious band playing. But the band turned out to be delightful and I had a wonderful time.

3. A friend (who is not a professional author) shared with me something they had written, which was very sweet of them.

I'm actually rather obnoxiously perky the past couple of days. Life is fun! I'm getting lots of exercise! Some people are nice! Food is good! Coffee!
[User Picture]From: mamculuna
2013-02-12 05:48 pm (UTC)

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I like that I'm able to be loving and kind. I'm proud that I was still able to edit a webpage I hadn't messed with recently. I so much appreciate my son's generosity to his brother, supporting him through a period of unemployment.
[User Picture]From: blythe025
2013-02-12 06:00 pm (UTC)

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1. I like my smile and I love the act of smiling and how I can make other people smile.

2. I wrote chapter one of my YA werewolf novel. I didn't like the chapter, but I was thrilled that I finally did it.

3. My baby niece crawled this week, an amazing accomplishment. :)
[User Picture]From: wshaffer
2013-02-12 06:20 pm (UTC)

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1. I like that I don't get discouraged easily.
2. I handled a potentially Awkward Conversation with a coworker in a way that was both friendly and professional, and which I hope will lay the groundwork for a better working relationship between his team and mine.
3. I really appreciate the people who contributed to or proofread the FOGcon 3 program book as I was putting it together over the past couple of weeks. I'm slightly awed by how generous people have been with their time and talent.
[User Picture]From: catlinye_maker
2013-02-12 06:35 pm (UTC)

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1) I like my creativity, which expresses itself in designing quilts and writing fanfic.

2) I'm proud of the fact that the TV cabinet remodel I'm in the process of installing actually fits both the cabinet & the TV.

3) DH just changed our plans for Spring so that we can go to WDW in April, because he knows I love it.
[User Picture]From: arkessian
2013-02-12 06:38 pm (UTC)

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1. I don't have a guilt button. Which is not to say that I can't feel guilty, only that I can't be guilt-tripped at the behest by others.
2. I did not have my cat put to sleep last week. How much longer he will be with us is in the lap of the gods, but it will be longer than the vet expected, and I will ensure he is happy and comfortable throughout.
3. My lodger took over organising some very necessary plumbing work when my brain was occupied full time fretting over the cat.
[User Picture]From: ashnistrike
2013-02-12 06:41 pm (UTC)

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1. I like my flexible stubbornness.

2. I got a major project through a major milestone at work yesterday, even though I was recovering from a nasty bug and it was tough to find the spoons. (And it's kind of cool that I'm not fungible with everyone else at work, even though sometimes it means doing this kind of thing.)

3. My boss told me to stay home and unplug and get better today, and took over all the mopping up from yesterday. (And it's deeply cool that my boss understands that my physical and mental health are part of what make it possible for me to push sometimes, and is willing to work to preserve them.) And my household has been awesome about taking care of me, each other, and the baby so that I can relax and recover.
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 02:57 am (UTC)

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Flexible stubbornness is awesome.
[User Picture]From: thanate
2013-02-12 06:58 pm (UTC)

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I guess this is for #2: After three and a half weeks of leaving fruitless messages trying to get the clinic who gave me a tetanus booster three years ago to figure out whether the shot they gave me was the one with whooping cough vaccine in it, I just spent six minutes on hold with the old insurance company who were able to look it up and tell me that in fact it *was* the right vaccine, and I don't need another booster. Small victories, but I was about to have to go over and be all hysterical pregnant lady at people in person, in a public clinic in the middle of flu season, which didn't sound like a lot of fun. So, yay!

(Which would maybe make #1 that I've largely managed not to be hysterical pregnant lady, I guess.)
[User Picture]From: akirlu
2013-02-12 07:08 pm (UTC)

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1. I am a quick study at most things; I usually pick up and integrate new information readily and enjoy the process of learning.

2. I chaired Potlatch 22, which was held in conjunction with Foolscap over the weekend of February 1-3, after having had a ramp up period of only four months. The basic things I really wanted to insure, happened: we brought in a lot of attendees to Foolscap who do not traditionally attend it, we got a really good hotel-night pick up, the hospitality crew put on a really stellar Potlatch-style hospitality lounge, and, most importantly the attendees from both sides of the house had a really great little convention. Plus, thanks to a stellar auction crew the Clarion West Scholarship auction brought in close to $2K, which is more than I dared hope for. I'm proud of myself and my entire crew for making that happen.

3. Hal has taken over doing the kitchen laundry without being asked. Lovely fellow.
[User Picture]From: moiread
2013-02-12 08:14 pm (UTC)

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I like that I am sensible. I have my hang-ups and my freakouts, and I know I probably worry about things more than most people do, but I am not paralyzed by worrying or by freaking out. I have my moment and then I go try to make it work, and more often than not I succeed. I can sort out my shit effectively. And what's more, usually the ability to consider many angles -- the thing that leads me to worry more than most -- also leads to better, more complete solutions. I wouldn't swap it. It's one of the best things about me.

I cooked yesterday! I haven't been safe to cook since Christmas, because the anemia was so dangerously bad that I would almost black out just trying to get dressed. I'm still not safe to leave the apartment unchaperoned, but I CAN COOK AGAIN. I just have to take it easy on the amount of chopping and bending/straightening I do. No hauling big pots or kneading dough or stirring thick things for ten minutes straight or other stuff like that. But that still leaves a lot! It feels so good to be able to make things again and have some control over my life back. I CAN COOK. I know you will completely understand this.

Earlier today, my friend Juli tweeted: "I think my real new role at work is as unspoken peace keeper, empathy encourager, and general educator. So you can call me [Chelle] now." She gives me credit for a lot of things that I don't always give myself credit for and notices the things that other people often don't. (Or at least other people sometimes notice a few things -- mostly the things I do for them specifically -- whereas she notices a LOT, including what I do for other people who are not her.) Usually I'm the observant cheerleader for everybody else, so having someone who does that for me is something I really, really cherish.
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 02:57 am (UTC)

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COOKING, heavens yes, although this comment makes me feel like we should talk more, now that your twitter is locked and I don't have twitter. Because blarg.
[User Picture]From: moiread
2013-02-13 12:47 pm (UTC)

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Actually, as of last month, it is unlocked again. I'm seeing how it goes, and so far the trolls are behaving themselves. But I will try to set up that thing where it reposts my tweets as a daily digest to my LJ again. I haven't really had the energy to blog properly unless it's something Really Important, like the surgery, so probably for now that is the best way.

I'm still reading all your entries, though! And I read your Facebook updates. :)
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 04:03 pm (UTC)

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Good deal, and may the trolls stay away.
[User Picture]From: mechaieh
2013-02-12 08:16 pm (UTC)

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(1) I'm dogged. I do what needs doing even when it's unglamorous or uncredited.

(2) Such as schlepping a heap of used washcloths to a closet where they'll actually get collected, and getting a proper collection bag for the original location.

(3) My sweetie taught me how to lock a bike. Bikes are still strange creatures to me, and how to thread and secure the lock properly was not obvious to me. So I feel better about the prospect of riding the bike to places where it will need to be locked, now that he's given me a hands-on lesson.
[User Picture]From: swan_tower
2013-02-12 08:56 pm (UTC)

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1. I am proud of my memory. I've trained it fairly well, and it can pull out some amazing things on occasion.

2. My book tour! It was my Very First Real Book Tour, and I think it went very well.

3. kniedzw brought me Girl Scout cookies. <3
[User Picture]From: hobbitbabe
2013-02-12 09:18 pm (UTC)

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1. I am willing to be a beginner, to start new things that scare me and then to pursue them with enthusiasm. I'm proud of it but it's also just a way I make myself happy.

2. I followed a job lead for something way different than I'd been doing, something which has some markers of low hierarchy, and I took the job and am learning to do it well.

3. My friend Jake not only sat through a play for the fourth time so he could see it with me (he's a theatre student and was taking tickets) but then took me to the stage door to meet the cast, and skipped part of his roommate's going-away party to have coffee with me. And told me I was a talented storyteller.
[User Picture]From: ruthi
2013-02-12 09:56 pm (UTC)

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1. I enjoy lending books to people.
2. I made pancake batter for pancake day, early enough that it had plenty of time to rest in the fridge. It made good pancakes.
3. Friends invited me and ccooke to stay over for christmas and new-year, and they were lovely and kind and I had a great time.
[User Picture]From: sillylilly_bird
2013-02-12 10:07 pm (UTC)

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1. compassion
2. gave a stranger a ride home in last Thursday's nasty weather so she wouldn't be stuck downtown - her bus hadn't come and she'd been waiting for a cab for a couple hours. she lives a few miles past me, but that's irrelevant in a car.
3. my sister convinced me to drive up to marshfield to be with mom [and sis] after mom's surgery - her cancer is back :(
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 02:58 am (UTC)

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I am sorry about the cancer.
[User Picture]From: sillylilly_bird
2013-02-13 03:56 am (UTC)

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Thanks, it's a sucky journey. But I just got off the phone with her and the neurosurgeon is releasing her so she's going home tomorrow [plasma cytoma located in C4-C6], the PET scan showed that the lesion in her neck is the only one, oncologist says it's very susceptible to radiation and the systemic med he's likely to put her on is the Revlimid, which she's been on previously and tolerates fairly well. It's been a grand evening!
[User Picture]From: ckd
2013-02-12 11:29 pm (UTC)

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1. I'm willing to say "I don't know, but I'll find out". It took me a while to break out of the Smart Kid Box to the point where I could reliably do so.

2. I'm glad I thought to buy a spare snow shovel before the blizzard, because it meant I could loan one to the neighbors who were trying to dig their car out with an old snow shovel, a garden shovel, and a broom.

3. aedifica has been dealing with a particularly emotionally-laden clutter zone for me, letting me keep enough distance to stay logical about what should stay and what should go and making a very visible difference in that part of the house.

(3a. When I talked to my mom last night over FaceTime, she said she was so glad to see how much happier I look these days than I did during the rough times. So am I.)
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 02:58 am (UTC)

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Re 3a: me three.
[User Picture]From: aedifica
2013-02-13 01:02 am (UTC)

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1. I like my me-ness. (There are more specific traits I like about myself, but that's one that's always true.)

1a. Bonus: a thing I like about myself that is not a trait. I've just recently noticed that I really like my eyebrows.

2. I found a local therapist, instead of going on just thinking about finding one.

3. My sister did something for me that I had forgotten to do before I left Minneapolis. Involving a litterbox.
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 02:59 am (UTC)

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Your sister is a HERO OF THE REVOLUTION, I tell you what.
[User Picture]From: aedifica
2013-02-13 10:28 am (UTC)

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She is!
[User Picture]From: cloudscudding
2013-02-13 04:55 am (UTC)

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1. I'm proud of training myself into *asking* when I don't immediately understand a cultural reference or when I haven't read the book or when I'm not familiar with the underlying science/facts/history/knowledge/skills behind a statement. Admitting ignorance is hard, but I learn such interesting things!

2. I learned how to use a power drill! And put up all the carbon monoxide and smoke detectors required by code. (It's kinda ridiculous--our upstairs now has 4. We will not sleep through that.)

3. Our church gave us $1,000 to help with construction costs. It's a drop in the barrel--but a much-welcome drop.


P.S. I am also proud of myself for not qualifying my answers. Because that was hard.
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-13 04:03 pm (UTC)

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The fact that it is hard for several people makes me think it is worth doing things like this periodically.
[User Picture]From: zalena
2013-02-13 01:18 pm (UTC)

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3. My mother, who is a notoriously bad gift giver, gave me a truly delightful box of small birthday gifts. Then she remembered to ask if the dates she wanted to visit were okay before buying a plane ticket. These are small things, but huge leaps in our relationship.
1. I like my wicked sense of humor. I don't think people see it as often as they should, but I like that it exists and is an excellent indicator of trust.
2. I'm really proud that I'm starting to branch out and try leisure activities that are a little bit difficult and a little outside my comfort zone. I've been taking a lot of risks to make new friends, which is harder than it sounds.
[User Picture]From: talimena
2013-02-13 02:03 pm (UTC)

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I like my curiosity.
I've been writing consistently recently and been very glad to find the block between wanting to write and actually writing mostly lacking. Not something I've done, exactly, but I'm glad of it nonetheless.
Most recently, someone made it clear that they found my work interesting and worthwhile.
[User Picture]From: miz_hatbox
2013-02-13 04:59 pm (UTC)

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1. I like that I make time to talk to friends. I'm not big on phone conversations but I love getting together for coffee or tea...

2. I'm glad I've started using my great-grandmother's teacups instead of letting them languish in a padded box because they're Too Special. Every day I use one of those cups & saucers, I remember Grandma and feel loved.

3. A friend I hadn't seen in a long time invited me out to lunch and we had a wonderful time catching up.
[User Picture]From: lynnal
2013-02-13 06:13 pm (UTC)

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1. I want to understand how things work and am willing to read the instructions to find out. This is amazingly useful.

2. I started playing piano again after not having one for (eeep!) 30 years. The first several weeks were challenging. Now my sightreading skills are almost back to where they were when I stopped playing. Some of it even sounds like music to other people.

3. Three friends got up to give me hugs when I left a dinner after an Aikido seminar last weekend. It really meant a lot to me that my friends from other places were happy to have me there.
[User Picture]From: rysmiel
2013-02-13 06:37 pm (UTC)

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1. Having managed to scale my worldview such that most disappointments and reversals are things I can cope with and move on from and most pleasant surprises and good outcomes are things I can savour and appreciate.

2. I not only made it in for this morning's 0900 meeting, I offered at least one constructive and positive comment during it. I am also pleased to have gritted my teeth and sent the very specific request for travel organisation I want to the somewhat touchy admin people here, who may well come back to me in ways involving hassle.

3. livredor has been sending me some very cheering emails and proposed a really nice birthday present for me. Also, kaberett, whom I met in May, said something really touching about admiring some things I do that had not struck me as a big deal.



Edited at 2013-02-13 06:37 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]From: rosefox
2013-02-14 05:52 am (UTC)

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1. I have taught myself how to just do things. What I mean by that is, there are a lot of situations where I look at the thing I want or need to do, and I feel some feelings about it, and those feelings sit in the middle of my path; and then I gently pick them up and put them down next to the path and go do that thing. It's not even "do it anyway". It's just... I have those feelings, and also I do the thing, because it's what I want or need to do.

2. Five and a half weeks ago I called my doctor's office and said, "I am having terrible anxiety and am acting irrationally based on my anxious thoughts. I need help." (This is also an example of point 1.)

3. Tonight J asked me for something even though he wasn't sure I'd be willing or able to say yes, and even though he was worried that he might upset me by asking. (Fortunately I could and did say yes and he didn't upset me at all.)
[User Picture]From: mrissa
2013-02-14 12:42 pm (UTC)

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Managing a difficult ask-and-answer interaction on both sides is awesome. Go both of you.